


I love you: ain't that the worst thing you ever heard

by LesbeanLatte



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: All other ships are secondary, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Asthmatic Gays Gotta Stick Together, Crack, Eddie & Adrian are roommates, Eddie Kaspbrak Deserves Better, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie just needs to work through some stuff, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gay Disaster Eddie Kaspbrak, Gen, Group chat, Humor, M/M, Memes, Mentioned Pennywise (IT), Mutual Pining, POV Switches, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Reddie, Reddie Centric, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Romantic Fluff, The Losers Club (IT) Stay in Derry, Trauma, adrian mellon is an icon, he's the only true adult amongst them, oops this ended up being more angsty than i intended???, richie & eddie can't communicate for shit, stan is like a mother hen to the group, still the ending will be happy i promise skksskks, the intricate rituals, these idiots just need to work through their shit, what if we befriended our narrative parallels? i'm just kidding ahah unless...?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-21 20:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbeanLatte/pseuds/LesbeanLatte
Summary: Okay, Eddie thought. Not that bad. He’d barely said anything and none of it was bad. He didn’t remember dancing shirtless and sincerely hoped that had been a joke on Stan’s part. His heart sank as he realized that this was very early on in the night and the chat continued with a lot more messages he had yet to read.“Having fun?” Adrian asked in a faux innocent voice. He was sitting on his bed looking into the mirror he’d set up over his bed and doing his makeup.“Shut up,” Eddie said. “When do these fuckers want to meet at Waffle House?”“In like, an hour. You need to shower like eight times before I go anywhere with you, though. And wow, when I first met you, I never would have thought I would need to tell you that.”***The losers straight up refuse to let Mike stay in Derry alone, so they all stay and attend Derry Community College. Eddie's new roommate, Adrian, can be a lot but he may be just the person Eddie needs in his life. Richie doesn't know how to help his friend deal with the emotional baggage he's carrying from childhood, and to be fair, they're all carrying plenty of that, but Eddie seems to be the worst at handling it.





	1. devils roll the dice

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Internalized homophobia, recovery from past psychological abuse (Eddie's mom's Munchausen syndrome by proxy is addressed and Beverly's trauma with her dad is mentioned), mentions of homophobic bullying. Alcohol and drug abuse are also pretty central to this fic. Let me know if I miss any! 
> 
> If you enjoy my writing, please let me know because it makes my heart so happy when you guys leave comments <3 If you wanna follow my multi-fandom mess of a blog that's actually just an It/Reddie blog right now & or scream about It & Reddie with me, please befriend me on Tumblr @ nihilistic-bitch

“Let’s go to breakfast.”

“I’m literally going to throw up in your face if you don’t get off me,” Eddie groaned, shoving his roommate, whose face was inches from his, away. “How are you this perky? The last thing I remember is you and Beverly doing body shots off Ben while Richie threw glitter at you guys.” A few other memories were starting to come to the surface, and he wanted to go back to sleep for at least a week. He and Adrian had attended a ‘party’ at Bill and Stan’s apartment, which they had agreed to rent together off campus but within walking distance. The party had actually just been the seven losers, Adrian, a girl Bill had invited named Audra, and a guy Adrian had invited named Don.

“Lots and lots of practice Eddie dear,” Adrian said. He rolled off Eddie’s bed and headed to the bathroom. 

“Brush your teeth, it smells like you drank the entire liquor store,” Eddie called. Adrian stuck an arm out of the shared bathroom and gave Eddie the finger.

Eddie and Adrian had not gotten along at all during the first two weeks of being roommates. They hadn’t argued the way they did now that they were friends. Instead, they’d been passive aggressive and silent, doing things like – and Eddie wasn’t proud of this one – labeling every egg in a carton. Or – and he was sure Adrian wasn’t proud of this one – drinking milk directly from the carton labeled with the other’s name.  
Once they’d started getting along, after talking out some things that needed talking out, Adrian had started spending time with the Losers Club. The seven of them had all agreed to go to Derry Community College so they could stick together and figure out what the fuck to do with their lives as a group.

They had all talked it out, one day towards the end of the summer of their junior year of high school. At that point, they had mostly stopped talking about the summer after fourth grade. Mike had brought it up though, in a quiet and hesitant voice. They had been sitting in the clubhouse. Eddie and Richie had been sharing the hammock, Richie trying to read a Walking Dead comic while Eddie poked him in the face. Ben and Bill had stopped their conversation about Ben’s architecture camp, and Beverly had paused in painting Stan’s nails. Mike had said he was planning on staying in Derry, because someone had to, and they should all leave and try to forget. That had put them all in a frenzy. The argument had lasted hours, Eddie remembered, until Bill had gotten right in Mike’s face and announced that they were all staying if Mike was staying. That had settled it.

“Our friends,” Adrian said as he came back out of the bathroom and tossed Eddie’s phone to him. He’d left it on the nightstand by his bed, face down. “Want us to meet them at Waffle House. Richie texted me about twenty minutes ago about it. Also, your phone was blowing up last night. I don’t know how you slept through it.”

Eddie had admitted to Adrian in late September, during one of their routine Starbucks runs before class, that he hadn’t liked him at first because he’d thought Adrian was a shallow and petty drama queen before getting to know him. Adrian had admitted that he hadn’t like Eddie at first because he’d thought Eddie was a neurotic freak with a stick up his ass. ‘Of course,’ Adrian had said fondly, ‘I still think that. Just now I can tell you so to your face because we’re friends.’ Then, he’d kissed Eddie on the cheek and sauntered off to class.

It was mid-October of freshman year and Eddie was already realizing that the college party scene was very much not for him. College he liked. Doing eight shots of tequila and suggesting he and his best friend take their shirts off and kiss? Not so much. God, he hoped Richie didn’t remember that. Cheered by the idea that Richie probably didn’t remember based on the number of White Claws and vodka Red Bulls Eddie had seen Richie down, Eddie sat up. He groaned again. 

“Do me a favor, Adrian,” Eddie said. “Smash my head in with a fucking hammer.” 

“Kinky,” Adrian said. “A little too kinky for me. You should see how your friend Richie feels about the idea.” 

“Oh god,” Eddie muttered, looking at the notifications on his phone. There were a lot of Snapchats. He didn’t even want to think about what was posted on his story, or what he’d sent. He clicked over to the Discord app and looked at the Losers Club group chat. 

JanuaryEmbers: [desc. picture of Ben lying on a table with no shirt on surrounded by liquor bottles] look at my MANS 😍😍😍  
Haystack: stop skadjaslkjdasldj baaaaaaabe don’t objectify me  
TrashMouth: GORGOEUOFUSJLKJ  
BigBill: u tryign ot spel goegous?  
BigBill: nvm  
BigBill: but ur fuckign RIHGT  
Mike&Ikes: where tf did y’all go  
Trashmouth: yess go queen boverly show off ur boi toi  
Haystack: ur on thin fuckin ice trashmouth  
JanuaryEmbers: mike I JSUST SAW U WHERE’D U GO FREN  
Stantheman: wait I see you Mikey I’m COMMGIN  
Stantheman: [desc. picture of Mike laying down in fountain fully clothed] bitch what the FUCK  
EddieSpaghetti: Mike omfgg slkjkldsjglksjf when did u even leave the aprtmnenent  
Stantheman: this dumb bitch’s phone is RUINED now. I’m taking him back to his dorm!!! Enjoy the rest of this cluster fuck night lmao I’m going to go crash in mikes dorm. Too much fucking,,wine,,can’t, walk back & see eddie dncing shirtless agin,,,  
Trashmouth: I don’t understag why u can’t comeback stan the man  
Trashmouth: I’ll miss u  
Trashmouth: [desc. gif of Robin Scherbatsky from How I Met Your Mother sobbing under a table while drinking wine] me rn w out stan & mike  
Trashmouth: come baaaaaaaaack u guys!!! 

Okay, Eddie thought. Not that bad. He’d barely said anything and none of it was bad. He didn’t remember dancing shirtless and sincerely hoped that had been a joke on Stan’s part. His heart sank as he realized that this was very early on in the night and the chat continued with a lot more messages he had yet to read. 

“Having fun?” Adrian asked in a faux innocent voice. He was sitting on his bed looking into the mirror he’d set up over his bed and doing his makeup. 

“Shut up,” Eddie said. “When do these fuckers want to meet at Waffle House?” 

“In like, an hour. You need to shower like eight times before I go anywhere with you, though. And wow, when I first met you, I never would have thought I would need to tell you that.” 

Eddie realized that he was covered in glitter and looking down, he saw that there was vomit on his shirt. He was only somewhat comforted by the fact that he was pretty sure it wasn’t his. His insides felt like a wreck, but his mouth didn’t taste like vomit. He felt his lungs tightening up and reached for his aspirator, which was always sitting on his nightstand table. He felt panic start to take over. Adrian noticed, and his eyes widened in concern. 

“Here,” Adrian tossed his own aspirator over and Eddie caught it, pumping it into his lungs. Instant relief. He could breathe. “Thanks,” he said, tossing the aspirator back. 

“Anytime,” Adrian said. “Us asthmatic gays gotta stick together.” 

“I’m not-” Eddie stopped. He was so used to denying it. Denying it to his mother, to high school bullies who sure, didn’t measure up to Henry Bowers, but still, weren’t fun. Most of all, denying it to himself. “Yeah. Thanks, Adrian.” 

Adrian gave him a sad smile that Eddie returned. It wasn’t the same pity smile he would’ve gotten if he’d decided to come out to a straight friend first, he was sure. Instead of continuing to think about how lucky he was to have gotten Adrian Mellon for a roommate though, Eddie returned his attention to the group chat. That required immediate attention if he was going to see everyone at fucking Waffle House in the next hour and take a shower.

He scrolled past a long section that was just Richie and Beverly trying to convince Stan and Mike to come back until realizing neither of them were even reading the messages. There were a few hours where there had been no messages because they had all been too busy being dumbasses in person, but then at around three in the morning when everyone was in their respective beds, the messages had continued.

Trashmouth: I cn’t belieb I got eddie 2 change his screen name to eddiespaghetti 4realz lmao ssjkdskjds  
EddieSpaghetti: skdjsldkjskaljd  
EddieSpaghetti: I pretnd not 2 like tht nickname but GUESS WHA T  
EddieSpaghetti: I fuckNG LOVE IT  
JanuaryEmbers: FUVKCIJNG  
JanuaryEmbers: EXPOS ED  
Haystack: hhahshahahah I knew it  
Trashmouth: are yuioeuy e fuking kidding me righ t nwoo oh my fuCKING god  
EddieSpaghetti: I jst??? actullyyy rly for real for rela love you guys  
BigBill: oh??? my god??? i’m litrally?? gonna cry?? i love u too eddie  
BigBill: I love all of yooooooooou  
EddieSpaghetti: I lvo all of u tooooo  
EddieSpaghetti: also also actually actllyyy  
EddieSpaghetti: richieeeeeeee. guess what  
Trashmouth: oh my god  
Trashmouth: WHAH T  
EddieSpaghetti: i fuckignnn love u  
Trashmouth: gyus i like drubk eddie  
JanuaryEmbers: me 2lmao  
Haystack: sameeee

Okay, so the group chat texts weren’t THAT bad, Eddie thought. They definitely could’ve been worse. He could easily deny the whole liking stupid nicknames thing and play it off as some dumb shit he’d said because he was drunk. After all, Mike had tried to go to sleep in a fountain and literally destroyed his phone. Eddie drunkenly admitting to liking stupid nicknames couldn’t possibly be as bad as that.

Now to see the Snapchat damage. Eddie clicked through his story. It was mostly pictures and videos of the other losers. The first couple of posts were actually cute and funny. Beverly and Richie recreating stupid vines together. Bill trying to make a very tipsy Stan laugh at bad puns while Stan tried and failed not to laugh. Mike trying to convince a very unconvinced Audra that Bill – who was now extremely good looking and not at all unpopular on campus – had been a total loser during middle school and high school. This last one was made funnier by Eddie zooming in on a smug Bill who shot him finger guns in the background.

The first really bad one was a video one of the others had taken of Eddie doing a body shot off Adrian. He hadn’t noticed before but now, watching the video, he saw that Don, the guy Adrian had invited, was watching this interaction with a frown. Eddie checked and saw that Don, Adrian, Richie, and Stan had seen this post but no one else yet. He hurried to delete it. The next one was him and Richie outside the apartment. Richie was smoking a joint. Eddie had his arm around Richie. He had a blurred memory of Beverly taking this video.

“You sure you don’t want a hit?” Richie asked in the video. 

"Do the, hand rifle, or I mean the AR 15, whatever, the fucking, the gun thing,” Eddie said, slurring his words quite a lot. Richie burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry WHAT?” he asked.

“The gun thing. You know,” Eddie said. “Pew pew,” he shot a finger gun at Richie with the arm that wasn’t around Richie’s neck. “With our mouths. Like it’s called something with guns but it’s like kissing. Don’t pretend you don’t know, Trashmouth.” Present and very sober Eddie had a vague memory of this. He hated that his heart did a somersault because it was not an entirely unpleasant memory. Embarrassing? Oh yeah. But bad? Not exactly. 

“You want me to shotgun you?” Richie asked. He was laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face. Eddie hated that he smiled a little while watching the video. Richie was so goddamn cute when he laughed, even – or maybe especially – when it was at Eddie’s expense.

In the video, Richie did shotgun Eddie and Eddie burst out coughing a second later. The story ended. Only Stan had viewed any of that disaster. Eddie hurried to delete all the videos involved. He remembered now that Richie and Beverly had been concerned when he wouldn’t stop coughing and his aspirator didn’t seem to help much. They had sat with him until he had stopped coughing and Richie had apologized for making him do that, and Eddie had maybe cried a little and told Richie it had been his decision and it wasn’t Richie’s fault he decided to inhale smoke into his lungs even if he did have asthma. There had been more to that conversation, but Eddie couldn’t remember it all. 

Then, they’d gone back up to the apartment and Ben had been puking in the toilet. Beverly went in to be with him, but she had stopped to ‘take a break’ on the couch and passed out in seconds. Richie had laid down on the couch with his head in Beverly’s lap. Eddie had gone into the bathroom and rubbed Ben’s back for a bit. That explained the puke on his shirt, he thought. It must be Ben’s. 

There were other memories to unpack from the night, but he kind of didn’t want to. Instead, he went over to his Snapchat messages.  
He was relieved that most of them were from Mike, who had sent about a million videos of himself talking about how much he loved Eddie. Eddie was touched, but he had a feeling the others had also woken up to similar videos from Mike. He had a few from Stan, in response to his story. 

Stantheman: Eddiieeeeee  
Stantheman: Eddie. Dude. Quit posting. This is me, ur most sober friend right now & that isn’t saying much. Telling you. To stop posting. Don’t put weed videos on social media you fucking dumb ass skksksk

Eddie typed back a response letting Stan know he’d deleted the videos. Then he went over to one from Richie. It was from around six in the morning. A glance at the time told Eddie it was now nearing ten in the morning. 

Trashmouth: I think we should talk about this sober later…

“What the FUCK?” Eddie said out loud. He closed the app, leaving Richie on ‘read.’

“What’s wrong?” Adrian asked.

“Don’t you just fucking love how Snapchat deletes all your past messages so you have no idea what the fuck you said and then your friend sends you ‘I think we should about this sober later? Did I mention there were three dots after? THREE, Adrian.”

“Holy shit,” Adrian said. “Who sent that you?”

“Fucking, Richie, who else? God, he pisses me off. Who sends that? WHO?”

“Deep breaths,” Adrian said. He abandoned his makeup and hopped onto the bed next to Eddie, lying down next to him. “Look,” he said. “I’ve only known you guys for a short time, but you two talk about a lot of dumb shit and take it way too seriously. I once heard you guys get into a screaming match over whether or not it was valid to like Twilight in 2019. A screaming match, Eddie. I’m sure this is nothing.”

“You think?” Eddie asked.

“I’m sure of it, darling,” Adrian said. “Besides, he didn’t say anything to me when he said you and I should meet him and the other losers at Waffle House.” He paused. “You guys are so weird for calling yourselves that. I’ll never get it. But I love you guys anyway. And,” he added. “Richie loves you. He probably just wants to finish a debate about whether or not The Craft should be remade or something.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie said, still frowning at his phone. “Sure.” 

He went to take a shower and change into clean clothes as well as brush his teeth. He also ended up puking in the sink, which meant he had to brush his teeth for an extra ten minutes and wash his face twice more. He had to admit, he felt a lot better clean. Also, he wouldn’t be drinking again for a while.

After Eddie went back to brush his teeth just one more time, Eddie and Adrian headed to Waffle House together. Adrian was wearing short shorts with the words ‘Essential NPC’ on the ass and a yellow hoodie with a rainbow on the front as well as socks that went midway up his shins with rainbows on them and Crocks. Eddie had laughed at the Crocks and pointed out that it was fifty eight degrees out and not exactly shorts season, and Adrian had just shrugged and said ‘the world deserves me at a level ten at all times Eddie, I don’t understand how you haven’t figured this out yet.’

All seven losers were waiting in a booth at Waffle House when Adrian and Eddie went in. They each ordered coffee and Adrian ordered waffles. Eddie decided to forgo food for a bit as just the smell of it was making his stomach churn. Mike and Ben also turned down the waitress’ offer of food, asking for just coffee and water. Stan ordered three breakfasts, saying he was extra hungry.

“Dude,” Mike said. “How hungry are you?”

Stan rolled his eyes. “I ordered you three dumbasses food because if you don’t eat you’re only going to feel worse. I promise you food will help.” 

“It better,” Bev said. “I feel like I was run over by a garbage truck and then bunched in the face by a sumo wrestler last night.” 

“Agreed,” Ben said, putting his forehead on the table. “Let’s never do that again.” 

“You’re all such amateurs,” Adrian said. “I’ll turn you over the dark side. You’re not telling me you all didn’t have fun last night?”

“I had fun,” Richie said. “But also, I’ve had plenty of fun before that didn’t make me wake up feeling like a rabid bear was trying to escape my insides.” 

“Lovely metaphor,” Bill said. “Just what I wanted to imagine right now.” 

The food came out and Stan shoved a plate of hash browns and waffles to Eddie, Mike and Ben each. Eddie didn’t touch the waffles but he took a few bites of the hash browns. To his surprise, the food did help settle his stomach a bit.

The breakfast was fine. They were all too sick to say much of anything, except Adrian who had definitely had just as much to drink the night before as the others but who seemed to have the tolerance of a true champion. Even Richie was surprisingly quiet. It was Saturday so they all agreed to hang out later, without involving alcohol of course. When Bill suggested they meet up later in the afternoon they all agreed, the unspoken truth being that they all needed some time to lay down and be miserable before being social again. 

Ben and Bev went back to Beverly’s dorm to nap. Stan said he was going to his and Bill’s apartment to study for a test and Bill went with him, saying he needed to study also. Eddie had a feeling this would translate to Bill falling asleep with his head on the table next to Stan who was actually studying. Mike went back to his dorm to sleep for a bit, and Adrian said with a wink at Eddie that he was meeting up with his friend Don to go to the quarry. 

“Hey,” Eddie caught Richie’s gaze as they all got up to leave. “Hold on a sec, Richie.” He waited for the others to leave, waving at them all and saying goodbye. At last, he and Richie were alone in the booth. 

“What’s up, Eds?” Richie asked. 

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie felt tense. His whole body was wound into knots. “What did you think we needed to talk about sober? You Snapchat messaged me this morning saying we need to talk about something sober. I don’t remember what I sent last night. You need to fucking tell me, Tozier, because-”

“Whoa,” Richie said, holding his hands up in the universal ‘don’t shoot’ gesture as Eddie’s voice grew higher and higher. “It was nothing really. You just…” He was being very uncharacteristically hesitant. Eddie felt panic rising in his chest. What the fuck had he said last night? His lungs were tightening up. He felt for his fanny pack where he always kept his aspirator. His panic intensified as he remembered he didn’t have the thing. “Whoa,” Richie said again. He produced the aspirator from his own pocket and handed it to Eddie. “Here.” 

Eddie pumped the aspirator. He breathed in deep, relaxing a little but still feeling the tension of not knowing what he’d said. “Why did you have this?” 

“You don’t remember?” Richie asked. He sounded hurt, for some reason. 

“No? What the fuck? What happened? Why-”

“Deep breaths, Eds,” Richie said. “Look, it was nothing bad or anything. I don’t know exactly what you’re worried about. You were just like, being super emo and stuff. You said you wanted me to take the aspirator because you didn’t need it. You were gonna throw it away but Beverly wouldn’t let you. You just talked about how your mom, you know, gave you all those placebos when you were a kid, and how you didn’t know what to believe but you were sure you didn’t have asthma and it was all bullshit.” 

“Oh,” Eddie huffed. He stared at his plate, poking at his waffles with his fork. “I see.” He hesitated. Richie seemed to be giving him an out. He didn’t have to ask about what he’d said on Snapchat. He could just as easily leave it at that. Sure, it was bad stuff, stuff he wasn’t proud of, but it was also stuff he and Richie both already knew about. “So then, what did I say on Snapchat?” 

“Look,” Richie wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Eddie, if you really don’t remember I don’t want to-”

“Come on Richie,” Eddie said. He reached over and touched Richie’s arm. Richie recoiled, for some reason. Eddie felt his chest sink. Richie might as well have gagged at his touch. He pulled his hand back. “You know what? Fine. Be like that.” 

He stood up, and stormed out. To his horror, he felt tears coming. He hoped Richie didn’t see as he wiped them away and rushed away from the Waffle House. 

Had he told Richie he was gay? He had only ever told one person, and that was Adrian. He had, to be honest, wanted to tell the losers all at some point. Just, not yet. Worse than that was the idea that he’d told Richie that he liked him, or, even more horrifying, that he loved him. Did Richie yanking his arm away mean that he was as disgusted as Eddie’s deepest fears warned him he would be?

Eddie had spent so much time telling himself how that particular fear was stupid. All of the losers were progressive in politics and accepting of all identities. How could they not be when their entire childhood had been so intrinsically wound in being different, in being outcasts? Of course they wouldn’t care if he was gay. Even if Richie didn’t return Eddie’s feelings, and only in his most optimistic fantasies Eddie even allow himself to think that he did, he wouldn’t care. That was always what Eddie had told himself. That was what Adrian had told him. 

Still, what else could that have meant? He realized, somewhat to his surprise, that he was walking across the field towards the weedy forest known as the barrens. He supposed he’d been walking there all along. He’d been too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice where his feet were carrying him. 

He found himself, for the first time as a college student, climbing down the wooden ladder Ben had set up and standing in the underground room. He gave the hammock a hesitant tug before climbing in.

Would Richie have curled up in the hammock with him as kids if he’d known the way Eddie felt? If he’d known the way Eddie thrived on the attention Richie gave him if he poked and prodded and kicked enough? If he’d known how much Eddie enjoyed it when Richie looked over at him and exclaimed how cute he was and pinched his cheeks? If Eddie wasn’t fighting and kicking and screaming, if he’d just admitted to enjoying the attention, would Richie have been freaked out and quit and told Eddie to stay away? Eddie hated the thought, but he was starting to believe it. He allowed himself to cry then, and fall into a total puddle of self pity, hugging himself in the cold and thinking about how he didn’t know where to go from here.


	2. angels roll their eyes

FUCK. 

What had he just done? Richie put his forehead on the grimy Waffle House table. He was hoping Eddie would turn around and see and yell at him for doing something so unsanitary. Nothing. He knocked his head against the table, muttering "ow" to himself. 

"Excuse me, sir," the waitress said, sounding anxious. "Is everything alright?" 

"Yeah," Richie said, sitting up."Everything is fine and dandy. Check please." 

She brought out the check, and he paid for his coffee and the waffles he'd only picked at before hurrying out. Eddie was nowhere to be seen. Richie looked around, but there was no sign of him, just other hungover college kids bundled in hoodies and wandering around like lost children, looking for vending machines that sold Gatorade. For someone with such short legs, Eddie Spaghetti sure could move fast. 

"FUCK," Richie said out loud, startling two passing girls in Hollister tops carrying Starbucks cups. 

His memories of the previous night were blurred, but apparently not as blurred as Eddie's. He recalled Eddie taking off his shirt at some point early in the night and dancing around to 'Truth Hurts.' Afterward, Ben and Bev had slow danced to 'Lover' as Stan, Mike, Bill, Audra, Don, and Adrian threw snacks at them and boo'ed. Eddie had gone over and sat right against Richie. 

'Put this back on,' Richie had instructed, tossing the long-sleeved 'I ❤️Derry' shirt at Eddie from beside him on the couch. Not that he minded seeing Eddie shirtless. Eddie was more fit than Richie had expected. He hadn't made the same transition into a hunky magazine model as Ben by any means, but the fact that he'd started making use of the campus gym ever since moving out from under his mother's oppressive regime showed. Richie was more concerned with how Eddie would feel about having paraded around topless the next morning. 

'WHY?' Eddie had whined. 

'You'll thank me later,' Richie had said with a grin. Eddie had put the shirt back on. 

After 'Lover' was over, Ben and Bev fell onto the couch next to them making out. 'Who Do You Love' by the Chainsmokers started playing, and Richie felt his stomach turn at the way Eddie was looking at him. The word 'enamored' came to mind and Richie gulped. 

'Let's take our shirts off and kiss,' Eddie said. He'd leaned in for a kiss then, and Richie had pushed him away. 

Richie frowned at the memory. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to kiss Eddie. He'd been in love with Eddie since they were twelve years old. Even written their initials on the goddamn Kissing Bridge with a heart around them. He'd have done anything for that manic little hypochondriac. Still would. 

The problem was that he didn't know if Eddie meant it. Richie wanted to kiss Eddie more than he wanted anything else in the world, but not like this. The rest of the night had only become more complicated. Maybe someone should have cut Eddie, Ben, and Mike off. Especially Eddie. Stan had at least made sure Mike got into bed safe and Ben had already been home, plus the worst he'd done was let everyone do body shots off him and end the night puking. Actually, when Richie thought about it, he counted last night as a win for ol' Haystack. 

Richie found himself walking as he thought. He opened up Snapchat and pulled up the map. He was surprised at how unsurprised he was to see Eddie's location. Of course, he'd gone to their old clubhouse. When they were kids, that's where Richie had always been able to find Eddie when he was upset, usually because of his mom but sometimes because of a bully, or a teacher acting like an asshole. Occasionally because Richie had allowed a joke to go too far and needed to check himself. 

Eddie probably wanted to be alone after storming out of the Waffle House. Too bad. Richie started walking in the direction of the barrens and the clubhouse, the events of the previous night still running through his head in a jumbled mess. He was never drinking like that again, that much he was sure of. 

The problem was, Richie had tried to get Eddie to slow down but he was his friend, not his mom. He'd ended up switching to weed himself and then, of course, the whole 'shotgun' thing had happened. He couldn't suppress a grin at the thought of: 'the gun thing. pew pew. with our mouths.' God he loved Eddie. Right after that though, things had gone downhill. 

Neither Richie or Bev knew how to calm Eddie down. 

'It's so fucking stupid, and I know that...you know?' Eddie was sitting on the ground with tears streaming down his face. 

'It's not stupid, Eddie,' Beverly said, kneeling beside him on the cold pavement of the apartment parking lot. 'If anyone would know, it'd be me. I get it. She's your mom and she raised you to believe all kinds of things that weren't okay were normal. It's okay to get upset.'

'It's not even just that! You don't fucking understand. My whole life, taking these stupid medications, being told I'm sick even when I feel fine. She's been telling me how sick I am since I can remember. You don't know what that's like, how hard it is to know what's real and what's in my head. That's all I've ever known, so how am I supposed to know what's normal?'

'I get more than you think,' Beverly said, so quietly that maybe she hadn't meant for either Richie or Eddie to hear. 

'No, I know," Eddie muttered. 'I know you get it, Bev. I'm being a dick, I know.' Richie had never once heard Eddie admit out loud to being a dick. He was glad Eddie admitted it though. He felt anger that usually wasn't directed at Eddie, was almost never directed at any of the losers but definitely not at Eddie, rising in his chest. Couldn't he see that she was trying to be there for him? 

'You're not,' Beverly insisted. 

'Beg to differ,' Richie muttered. 

'Richie!' Beverly snapped. 

'What?' Richie asked, heating up. 'You don't get to act like you're the only one with a fucked-up life,' he said to Eddie. 'When she's fucking told all of us what her dad-'

'Stop!' Beverly yelled. She was glaring at Richie. 'Stop it, Richie, don't make this about me.'

Richie was still breathing hard, but he nodded. 'She was just trying to empathize, man,' Richie said to Eddie. 

'I know,' Eddie said. 'I'm just so fucking tired of not knowing if my body is trying to kill me, or if I'm just an idiot.'

'You're not an idiot,' Richie said in a firm voice. 

'So my body is trying to kill me?' Eddie asked. The ghost of a smile appeared on his tear-streaked face. 

'Probably. You're probably catching eight kids of tetanus from sitting on this pavement.'

'Gross, dickhead,' Eddie said. He jumped up and swayed slightly so that he almost fell back to the ground, facedown. Richie grabbed his shoulders to stop this from happening. 

'Look,' Beverly said. 'We've all been drinking. Let's just take a beat. We should go inside and check on Ben anyway.'

'Wait,' Eddie said, standing. 'I'm throwing this away.' He held up the aspirator and made to toss it, but Beverly grabbed his arm. 

'Eddie, why don't you decide about that in the morning?' she said in a soft voice that Richie knew immediately would only strengthen Eddie's determination. 

'No, I don't need it and in the morning I'll be back to thinking I need it, and I'll just be back to thinking I'm everything she wants me to be. I can't fucking do it, Beverly.' His voice broke as he said her name. 

'Here,' Richie held out his hand. 'Give it to me, Eds, I'll throw it away for you.' He shot Beverly a meaningful look which she luckily seemed to understand. Eddie looked hesitant. 

'Promise you'll throw it away.' 

'Sure Eds,' Richie said. 'Promise.' 

'Don't fucking call me that, dick.' He handed the aspirator over.

Richie stopped walking. Wow, last night had been a whole ass mess. He was almost to the clubhouse. He looked up at the Kissing Bridge, which he had to pass to get across the field that led to the barrens. He wondered whether Eddie remembered trying to kiss him. Apparently, he didn't remember the drunk Snapchat videos he'd sent after going back to his dorm with Adrian late at night, so maybe not.

Richie pulled out his phone and called Beverly. After going over the events of the night before it occurred to him that he owed her an apology. 

"Ugh," Bev answered. "What?" She sounded like she'd been sleeping. 

"I was a complete ass last night," he said. 

"Yeah," Bev agreed. "You were." 

"MMM WHATCHA SAYYYYY," Richie yelled in automatic response. 

"I'm about to hang up the phone, Trashmouth." 

"Look, I'm sorry. You don't need me to be protective of you, you're a strong twenty-first-century woman yadayada can we please go back to being best friends?" 

"Yeah that ain't exactly it, fam," Beverly said. Richie felt like he could sense a smile on her face though. "You didn't need to bring up my shit. It wasn't relevant." 

"It kinda was." 

"Eddie was just upset, Richie," she sounded a little softer now. "We were all drunk and he was freaking out. I just wanted him to know he wasn't alone. You didn't need to make it about me." 

"Yeah," Richie said. "That's the thing though. I wasn't trying to. I was just trying to get him to see that he's not as alone as he always acts like he is. I am sorry though, Bev. I know I was out of control. No more booze for me for a while. I'm already garbage sober, there's no need to make the trash mouth trashier." 

"Richie," Bev said. "You know I'm not the only person you owe an apology to, right?" 

"I know," Richie said. "I told Ben I was sorry for being terrible in the sack, but the man insisted I was the best he'd ever had. I don't know why. I just lay there." 

"Beep beep Richie," Bev said. 

"I'm going to apologize to Eddie now." 

"Good. Try not to fuck it up, Trashmouth." 

Richie hung up the phone and continued toward the clubhouse. He hadn't been there once since college started. It felt right to go there now when things had somehow gotten so messed up between him and Eddie. 

"Eds?" he called, opening up the familiar hatch on the ground. There was no response. Richie climbed down the ladder to see Eddie sitting in the hammock with his arms crossed. His eyes were puffy and red. 

Without hesitation, Richie climbed into the hammock across from Eddie. Even as kids, they had been too big to do this, and now as adults there was no room at all and the hammock was also sagging dangerously. 

"What do you want?" Eddie asked. 

"I was a dick back in the restaurant. Also last night." Then, because he couldn't help himself, he added, "That's what she said." 

"I already told you I don't fucking remember most of last night," Eddie snapped. His arms were crossed so tight he might have been trying to tye himself into a knot. 

"I kinda went off on you. A little." 

"You," Eddie loosened the arms around his chest the tiniest bit. "Went off. On me." No part of it was said like a question, but he looked confused.

"I wasn't the only one being a bag of dicks. You weren't exactly an angel yourself." 

"Oh shit," Eddie muttered. "What the hell did I say?" There was something unspoken there, something about how Richie never got mad at him, so it must have been really bad. 

"Well like I said you were being all emo and talking about your mom and shit and Beverly was trying to make you feel better and you kinda implied that she didn't know what you were going through, trying to live life after growing up with such a fucked-up childhood." 

"Oh god," Eddie said, growing pale. Richie hated to be the reason for that expression on Eddie's face but he also felt that if it were him in Eddie's place, he'd want to know what had happened. 

"I don't think she's mad," Richie said. "She seemed more upset that I said anything to you about it. Which, to be fair, I did yell at you when you were crying. Sorry about that." He leaned over and pinched Eddie's cheek. Eddie slapped his hand away, which required him to uncross his arms, but there was something in his eyes that Richie had never seen before. "We good, Eddie Spaghetti?" 

"I still want to know the rest of it," Eddie said, leaning back in the hammock and meeting Richie's eyes. "What did I say later?" 

Richie hesitated.

"Richie, come on." 

Richie wouldn't meet Eddie's eyes. "You kinda, uh, came out to me." Maybe he could just leave it at that. He didn't know how to unpack the other things Eddie had said. 

"Okay," Eddie said. He reached into his pocket, which, in the crowded hammock, required him to reach under Richie's leg. He pulled out his aspirator and pumped it into his lungs. After he was done recharging his lungs, he stared at Richie. "And?" 

"And what? I think it's great Eddie. Am I low key hurt that you apparently told your roommate who you've known less than two months before you told me? Maybe a little. But I'm glad you told me." 

"Then why did you act all weird about telling me what I'd said?" 

"I don't know, you didn't remember. It's a big deal. I wanted you to be able to tell me on your own terms when you wanted to. Have your big 'Love Simon' moment or whatever." 

"Oh," Eddie huffed. "Is that all?" 

"Okay no, it's not but man, you know what would be more fun than getting all in our feelings? Not doing that and instead, going back to my dorm and playing Mario Kart." 

"I'm never playing Mario Kart with you again Richie, you fucking tackled me and spilled orange soda everywhere the last time you lost." 

"Fine, you win. But there's no taking it back once it's out there." Richie climbed out of the hammock and marched across the small clubhouse. Eddie jumped out after him and stood. Unlike Richie, he didn't have to bend down to stand up straight in the enclosed space. Richie refused to look at Eddie as he spoke, letting the words tumble out of his mouth at top speed. "You said you liked me, your exact words were that you liked me romantic styles. But you said that even if I felt the same, which you were pretty sure I didn't, it could never work because you didn't know how to experience love without being suffocated by it, whatever the hell that means, and you didn't think either of us were capable of a healthy relationship because of all of our combined PTSD and shit, and well, I think that's bullshit, Eddie!" He'd known he'd get upset if he told Eddie what had been said in the late-night videos, but he hadn't meant to yell. 

"Which part?" Eddie asked in a quiet voice. 

"All of it!" Riche said, finally looking at Eddie. He was yelling and he could feel that his face was flushed. He couldn't read Eddie's expression. "I mean, what the hell does that mean, you're suffocated by love? Because your mom is fucked up? I'm sorry that she's fucked up, I am, but you can't like, use that as an excuse forever! And what, you think people with trauma just never get to be happy? I refuse to believe that, Eddie. And I refuse to believe any of that shit about us being toxic because I think even as friends we're fucking amazing together and we would be a great couple and I love you!"

Eddie just stared at him. Richie still couldn't read his expression, but there was fire in his eyes. He took a step closer and for a second, Richie was afraid he was going to hit him. Then he spoke in a very quiet voice that even barely a foot away, Richie had to strain to hear. 

"You love me?" 

"Fuck yeah," Richie said. 

Then, Eddie kissed him. It happened so fast that Richie couldn't believe it and at first, he was the one who couldn't breathe. After a second, he wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist and he felt Eddie wrap his arms around his shoulders. It was the most intense kiss Richie had ever experienced, and he didn't know if it had been going on for seconds or hours when Eddie shoved him backward into the hammock. 

Eddie was straddling him, and Richie was in heaven. His entire body was on fire. "I've been fantasizing about this since we were thirteen," he muttered when Eddie pulled away for a second to look at him, that same intense expression still burning on his face. 

Then, the hammock collapsed. 

Richie's back hit the ground hard, and Eddie collapsed on top of him. For a moment, they just looked at each other. "Wow Eds," Richie said. "I knew the trauma with your mom was heavy, but I didn't know it was as heavy as her in real life pounds. We'll have to let Ben know to put a weight limit on all future structures he tries to put up." 

"Richie," Eddie said. He was making a very familiar face now. It was the face he always made when he was deciding whether to laugh or hit Richie. "Beep beep." Then, Eddie started kissing him again.


	3. what doesn't kill me

Richie lay against the rocks littering the edge of the quarry, ignoring the way they dug into his back. He didn't want to go home, because he didn't want to face his mother's curious gaze or his father's questions about what was wrong. Went and Maggie Tozier could always tell when something was wrong. In general, Richie appreciated this about them. He wasn't one to share and hug and talk about his feelings, so if something was getting to him it was nice to be questioned. 

How was he supposed to explain this one to them, though? 'Gee mom and dad, it just really sucks being a big fucking faggot and accidentally hitting on the most terrifying kid in school's cousin in front of a whole bunch of people.' He didn't want to talk about what Henry had accused him of in the arcade. He didn't want to talk about what he'd carved into the kissing bridge. He wanted to lay here, near the quarry, and never get up. 

Then, he heard footsteps on the rocks. Of course, he couldn't even wallow in peace. If it hadn't been for the evil sewer clown stalking him and his friends, maybe Richie would've just kept laying there, hoping whoever it was would ignore him. As it was, he sat up fast and looked around. He relaxed when he saw that it wasn't a murderous demon clown, but tensed up when he was that it was his best friend whose initials he'd just carved with his in a heart in a very public place. 

"Hey, Eds." 

"What are you doing down here by yourself?" 

"Nothing." 

"Okay...?" Eddie gave him a look but sat beside him on the rocks, looking out at the water. 

Richie was sure Eddie would question him. He was sure Eddie would try to get him to say what was wrong. He was sure Eddie would get it out of him, because it was there, boiling him from the inside out and begging to be said. If Eddie asked what was wrong, Richie was sure he would tell him because he could barely contain it. 

"Care if I sit with you?" Eddie asked.

"No," Richie said, even though he cared more than he could say. 

It was a while before either of them spoke, which was extremely rare between the two of them. Finally, Eddie said. "This summer really fucking sucks, huh?" 

"Yeah," Richie agreed. "We've got each other though, you know?" In general, Richie tried not to say sappy shit like that but in light of recent clown attacks, it felt important. "Losers gotta stick together." 

"Yeah," Eddie agreed. 

He did something odd then, something Richie never forgot about. He leaned over and kissed Richie on the cheek.


	4. makes me want you more

Mike&Ikes: Hellloooooooo I thot we were all gonna hang this afternoon :/  
Stantheman: Don't ever spell the word "thought" like that again or I will find you and kill you, Michael  
Mike&Ikes: WOWW STANIEL NOT WHAT U SAID WHEN YOU TUCKED ME IN LAST NIGHT  
JanuaryEmbers: Oh the girls are fighting  
BigBill: lmao y'all wanna come over I'm bored & all Stanathy here wants to do is hw  
Haystack: he's lookin' out for your grades more than you are my man maybe you should listen sksksksk  
JanuaryEmbers: tf ben, I will divorce you if you ever make me read sksks again  
Haystack: [desc. gif of a kitten making sad eyes] nooo

[Mike&Ikes has changed Stantheman's name to 'Stanathy]

Stanathy: [desc. gif of Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead pointing a gun with a shaking hand] don't make me do it MICHAEL  
BigBill: how has @Trashmouth not jumped in on the Stanjamin jokes yet  
Stanathy: et tu billward?  
Haystack: maybe he's sleeping?  
Mike&Ikes: Richie? Sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time? be realistic Ben  
Haystack: where's Eddie with a comment about how the chat is too quiet without Rich sksksk  
JanuaryEmbers: you're really straining this relationship, Benjamin Hanscom  
Haystack: [desc. gif of Jasmine Masters saying 'and I OOP']  
JanuaryEmbers: [desc. gif of Sue from Glee throwing things everywhere]  
BigBill: I'm starting to miss "ohhh Eddie you're so cute" & "shut the fuck up asshole"  
Trashmouth: heard y'all was talking shit  
EddieSpaghetti: wow they really don't know what to do without us, Rich. adorable 💕  
Trashmouth: uwu  
EddieSpaghetti: shut the fuck up asshole  
Trashmouth: UR SO CUTE 💕  
EddieSpaghetti: I'll fucking kill you  
BigBill: On second thot y'all can leave again  
Stanathy: BILLIAM 😡  
BigBill: what 🥺  
Stanathy: you know what you did...  
EddieSpaghetti: Trashmouth & I are comin over see y'all soon  
Trashmouth: SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK  
JanuaryEmbers: uninvited & blocked 

Eddie closed the Discord app with a grin. He was tucked into the spot under Richie's arm. 

"Are we gonna tell them?" 

"What, about our hungover hookup in the clubhouse? Because you know that really meant nothing to me." 

"Beep beep, Rich." 

"Yeah. I mean, I want to. You want to too, right?" 

"Oh I don't know, I mean it was really just a hookup, right? So no need."

Richie rolled over onto his side so that he was facing Eddie and Eddie found himself disarmed by Richie's serious expression. "Eds." 

"I want to too. But don't call me that." 

"Cutie pie?" 

Eddie wrinkled his nose. "Ew, no." 

"Apple of my eye?" 

"Fuck off, Richie." 

"Angel...dust?" 

"That's a drug." 

"Baby?" 

Eddie tried not to show how much he liked the sound of that, but his hesitation was all Richie needed. Richie's face lit up and he leaned in and kissed Eddie and Eddie felt the breath go out of him, but not in the way it had so many times before. His lungs weren't tightening, instead, it was like he could finally exhale safely. 

"I'll allow it," he managed when Richie pulled away. "Sometimes," He added in what he hoped was a stern voice. 

The door to the dorm opened and they both looked up to see Adrian and Don stumbling in wrapped around each other in a tight embrace. They broke apart when they noticed Eddie and Richie staring. 

"Oh," Adrian said with an uncomfortable laugh. "Oops." 

"OH MY GOD," Don said. He was staring at Eddie and Richie laying face to face on the bed. "What did we just walk in on?" 

"Nothing!" Eddie said. 

"Yeah, Don, let's just go back to your dorm," Adrian said. Not for the first time, Eddie thanked his lucky stars that he had such a thoughtful roommate. Adrian really was a good friend. 

Eddie made the decision to say what he was about to say in a way that he had never made such a big decision before - without thinking. "Anything there was to walk in on happened earlier," Eddie said. There was a silence that seemed to last a decade. 

"EDDIE!" Adrian yelled. He looked overjoyed. Richie was also staring at Eddie with a mixture of awe and amusement and something else. Eddie realized with a burst of warmth that it was love. 

"Oh my god, I'm so happy for you two!" Don burst out. "I could tell something was going on. You're so cute together!" 

"Aren't we?" Richie asked. He pinched Eddie's cheek and Eddie felt the heat rise to his face. 

"So uh," Eddie coughed. "We're going to meet the other losers. We won't be back for like, hours." He shot Adrian a pointed look that was clearly not as subtle as he intended because everyone else in the room burst into laughter. 

"Okay," Adrian said.

Richie stood and started to make his way toward the door, but Eddie hesitated. "Adrian?" he asked. He wasn't sure how to ask what he wanted to ask, but he thought that Adrian would understand. 

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna tell them, about us." It wasn't a question but the request for advice was there, in the way their eyes met. 

"Look, Eddie," Adrian said. He and Don both sat down on his bed and Eddie and Richie sat back down on Eddie's. "Your friends are gonna be happy for you." 

"And if they're not?" 

"If, on the crazy off chance that the most weirdly close group of friends I have ever awkwardly eighth wheeled with don't accept you simply because you're gay than I will personally march you both into this shitty community college's next GSA meeting and help you meet other baby gays who are awkwardly catapulting through the hell that is queer young adulthood." 

Eddie jumped up and hugged Adrian before he knew what he was doing. He felt tense, the moment was too heavy. Then, Don joined the hug and a moment later Eddie felt Richie press against his back, also joining the group hug. Eddie usually shrunk away from too much physical touch or dissociated himself from the moment if he had to be touched. In this embrace though, he felt safe and he felt as if he wouldn't have minded if the hug went on much longer than it did. 

Of course, Richie had to say something to break the intensity. "Eds, can we agree to incorporate foursomes with your roommate and his hot boyfriend into our lives?" 

Eddie pulled away and punched Richie on the arm. 

"I have a name," Don interjected. 

"What makes you think I was talking about you? Could've been the more attractive guy Adrian brings around-"

"Beep beep, Richie," Eddie snapped. Don definitely didn't know Richie well enough to be expected to put up with this shtick. 

"I apologize for my boyfriend's behavior," he said to Don. "We're leaving now." 

He frog-marched Richie from the room, closing the door hard behind him. Richie, for some reason, was beaming. Eddie glared. 

"What?" he snapped. 

"Boyfriend?" 

"I fucking hate you." 

"You love me, Eds." 

They bickered the entire walk to Bill's apartment. Eddie couldn't believe Richie thought it was okay to joke that way with someone he barely knew. Richie insisted that if Don and Richie were both going to be spending a lot of time in Adrian and Eddie's dorm room then Don should get used to his sense of humor. Eddie said that if Richie expected to spend a lot of time in his dorm room then he'd better stop being such an ass. Neither of them said anything of the fact that they were holding hands the entire time they argued. 

It was a typical hang with the losers. Neither Eddie or Richie acted any different than usual. They ordered pizza and Stan and Mike played Mario Kart while Richie pestered them. Bill and Beverly got into a heated debate over whether they should keep making more Jurassic Park franchise movies. Ben and Eddie discussed classes and shared complaints about a particularly cruel statistics teacher they both had. 

It was late in the evening when Eddie went to the fridge to get himself another soda.

"Hey, baby, would you get me one too?" Richie called. 

Eddie wasn't sure if the others would've noticed or not if he hadn't frozen in the middle of the living room. He was sure his face was bright red because he could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks. He gritted his teeth. 

"For Christ's sake, I said SOMETIMES you could call me that," he said. "Not in front of all of our friends." 

"Wait," Stan said. "WHAT?" 

"Oh yeah," Richie was wearing his familiar shit-eating grin. He knew exactly what he'd just done. "Eds and I totally fucked in the clubhouse earlier." 

"IN THE CLUBHOUSE?" Ben yelled. Everyone started yelling at once then. 

Mike and Beverly were overjoyed and immediately started gushing. Bill was floored but happy for them. Stan was quiet, but not in a hurtful way. Eddie and Richie both knew him well enough to know he was simply waiting for his turn. Ben was mostly upset about the defilement of the clubhouse at first but hurried to amend that he was, in fact, happy for them.

Stan was serious when he finally spoke. He shared a look with Richie like there was something he knew that the others were missing out on. Then, he addressed them both. 

"I'm proud of you guys," he said. "I know it took a lot to get to this point." 

"A lot, hmm, yeah, you could say that," Richie said. Eddie could tell he was trying to shift the tone, make it less serious. "The hammock definitely took a lot today. It may or may not be uh, broken."

"Aw guys, that thing has been up for years," Ben groaned. "It's like, a hallmark of our childhood." 

"To be fair, I spent a lot of my childhood in that hammock fantasizing about what we-"

"Beep beep, Trashmouth!" Eddie yelled. 

Then, the room filled with laughter again. After a bit, Beverly suggested board games and Stan pulled out Parcheesi. They played for a while, taking the game way too seriously and getting into arguments every few minutes. There wasn't a huge difference in the group dynamic, really, Eddie thought. 

When he was with the losers, Eddie used the aspirator less than he normally did. He didn't feel as suffocated by the world, he noticed. He could breathe. 

He was safe. He was loved. And, despite himself, he was in love. He found himself thinking about it as he watched Richie tell Beverly that she was cheating at Parcheesi, and stick his tongue out at her like a child. He smiled. 

"What?" Richie asked, looking self-conscious. 

"Nothing," Eddie said. Then, quietly so that the others, who were distracted with a debate over whether Beverly had been cheating, didn't hear. "Just thinking about how much I love you." 

Eddie didn't think he had ever seen Richie smile so big.


End file.
